Mirada and Cabeceo

15 May Mirada and Cabeceo

Mirada is looking at someone and keeping the eye contact for a meaningful amount of time. Cabeceo is the small nodding movement of the head. Use cases of mirada and cabeceo are below.

Example 1.
Mary wants to dance with James > Mary looks at James > James notices Mary’s looking at him > James also wants to dance with Mary > James looks at Mary > James nods to the side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with James > The deal has been made > James walks to Mary.

Example 2.
Mary wants to dance with James. Charles wants to dance with Mary. > Mary accidentally looks at Charles. Charles looks at Mary. > Without keeping the eye contact with Charles, Mary smiles at Charles, waves “hi”, and looks at James. > Charles smiles, waves “hi”, and moves on.

Example 3.
James wants to dance with Mary > James looks at Mary > Mary notices James’ looking at her > Mary also wants to dance with James > Mary looks at James > James nods to the side slightly, still keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with James > The deal has been made > James walks to Mary.

Example 4.
James wants to dance with Mary. Mary wants to dance with James > James looks at Mary. Mary looks at James > James and Mary make an eye contact > James nods to the side slightly, still keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with James > The deal has been made > James walks to Mary.

Example 5.
James wants to dance with Mary. Mary wants to dance with John. John wants to dance with Mary > James looks at Mary. Mary looks at John. John looks at Mary > Mary and John make an eye contact. James sees Mary’s not looking at him > John nods to the side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with John > The deal has been made > John walks to Mary.

Example 6.
James, John, and Robert want to dance with Mary > James, John, and Robert look at Mary > Mary didn’t have intention to dance, but notices that James, John, and Robert are looking at her > Mary decides to dance with John > Mary looks at John > John and Mary make an eye contact. James and Robert see Mary’s not looking at them > John nods to the side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with John > The deal has been made > John walks to Mary.

Example 7.
Mary wants to dance with Michael > Mary looks at Michael > Michael was thinking about something, but notices that she is looking at him > Michael decides to dance with Mary > Michael looks at Mary > Michael and Mary make an eye contact > Michael nods to the side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Mary > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with Michael > The deal has been made > Michael walks to Mary.

Example 8.
Marylin Monroe is at a milonga > All the men in the room want to dance with Marylin > All the men in the room look at Marylin > Marylin decides to dance with Michael > Marylin looks at Michael > Marylin and Michael make an eye contact > Michael nods to the side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Marylin > Marylin reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with Michael > The deal has been made > Michael walks to Marylin.

Example 9.
Mary wants to dance with Michael. Michael wants to Dance with Jane. Jane wants to dance with James. James wants to dance with Jane. > Mary looks at Michael. Michael looks at Jane. Jane looks at James. James looks at Jane. > James and Jane keep the eye contact. > James nods to a side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Jane. > Jane reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with James. > The deal has been made between Jane and James > James walks to Jane. > Mary is still looking at Michael. Since Jane is gone, Michael decides to dance with Mary. > Michael looks at Mary. > Michael nodes to a side slightly, keeping the eye contact with Mary. > Mary reciprocates the nod, keeping the eye contact with Michael. > The deal has been made between Michael and Mary > Michael walks to Mary.

Example 10.
Mary and Michael are a couple. Mary and Michael want to have a date night. Mary and Michael go to a milonga. Mary and Michael want to enjoy dancing together, enjoy the music, meet their friends, talk, and have a good time, without dancing with other people. Mary and Michael go to their friends and talk with them, and their friends come to them and talk with them. But, Mary and Michael do not maintain the eye contact with other people for a meaningful amount of time for mirada, so mirada is not made. Since mirada is not made, cabeceo cannot happen. Unless Mary or John does mirada and then cabeceo, Mary and Michael are not disturbed by unwanted dance invitation.

Imagine the execution/implementation of the above examples with walking-up-and-verbally-asking instead of mirada and cabeceo.

The benefit of using mirada and cabeceo is total freedom and equality, for both men and women, in choosing a dance partner, every time.

Such total freedom and equality is achieved because both men and women can look at anyone they want (mirada) and communicate yes or no remotely (cabeceo). Mirada and cabeceo is the next best method to telepathy. The only difference is visual contact is used instead of mind contact. It is possible to look at 10 people in 1 minute to see if anyone is already looking at you or if anyone looks back at you. Walking up to 10 people in 1 minute is not feasible.

Mirada is empowering to a woman because, by waiting for men to come and ask her, she has limited choice, but by looking at the men she wants so that they notice her looking at them, she now opens up choices.

Men’s nodding first is for the clarity of the process and does not reduce the empowerment, because even if a woman nods first, even 100 times, if he doesn’t want to dance with her he will just not look at her or not reciprocate the nod. The same applies to men’s nodding.

Using mirada and cabeceo eliminates social pressure in accepting and declining a dance invitation, since nobody will not be put on the spot by being asked verbally with the asking person right in front. If you don’t want to dance with someone, you just don’t maintain an eye contact with that person, and that person’s asking you to dance will never happen.